Letters to the editor, May 1, 2008

Sarcastic solution to tortoise problem

I offer this solution to keep the environmentalists from drowning in their tears because coyotes are snacking on tortoises.

Plead to Emperor Bush to declare a national emergency. Immediately hire 2,100 biologists to babysit them in eight hour shifts, 24 hours a day; three for each of the 700 tortoises.

They will need three $50,000 all-wheel drive vehicles to maintain uninterrupted baby-sitting. Also, since the gas is depriving the ordinary citizen of food and driving, lets buy them all $500,000  motorhomes to put on site. Then lets add in food, water, sewage disposal, gas and diesel fuel at $4.60 a gallon.

Lets not forget, like the article said, they have to shoot the coyotes and a true environmentalist would not do so, we will have to hire 2,100 shooters to protect them 24 hours a day. Again more vehicles and motorhomes and services.

Other environmentalists will demand prosecution of the shooters of the coyotes so to protect them lets have the emperor declare the coyotes terrorists against the tortoises, invoking immunity from prosecution.

These desperate measures should satisfy the bleeding hearts of the environmental people. Of course the government will print more money or borrow from China to fund this.

In the mean time, let the thousands of American families left homeless or destitute from floods, tornados with destroyed lives and homes, struggle day to day just to survive. I guess that’s the government way.

But just remember the endangered tortoises will survive at a cost of billions of our dollars. When humanity is gone the coyotes will look at each other and say “lets eat.”

Bill Kirk
Barstow

Good Samaritan returns lost card

Recently, I dealt with a particularly crazy day full of errands to run and things to do. When I arrived home at the end of the day, I realized that my ATM card was nowhere to be found. Having no clue where I could have misplaced my card, I decided to resolve the matter after a good night’s sleep.

Unable to locate my card, I went to the bank to report my card lost and order a new card.  The employee was confused at first, stating that someone had already reported my card lost. Upon investigation, she found that some kind person found my card and turned it over to a CHP officer who returned it to the bank.

I would like to say thank you to both people who took a moment to help a harried mother rather than take advantage of my misfortune. It is so nice to be reminded of the goodness in my neighbors!

April Nourse
Barstow