Male victims of domestic violence must look farther for some resources

BARSTOW — For most people, the phrase “domestic violence victim” calls to mind an image of a woman battered by her husband or boyfriend, but more than one-quarter of reported domestic violence victims in Barstow are men.

Out of 331 domestic violence incidents reported to Barstow Police Department in 2007, 87 of the victims were men. Those men have access to some services in Barstow, but the closest domestic violence shelter that will house men is almost 100 miles away in Lancaster.

Peggi Fries, executive director of the Desert Sanctuary/Haley House domestic violence shelter in Barstow, said one or two men a week come in looking for help with drafting a restraining order, or wanting to join a support group for domestic violence survivors. The Desert Sanctuary can help them with those things, but it does not offer them shelter space.

Fries said that based on the size and layout of the shelter, with four bedrooms along one hall, it would be too difficult to keep the men and women housed separately. Aside from that, men may be domestic violence victims but they rarely come in looking for a place to stay, she said.
“In the almost ten years I’ve been with Desert Sanctuary, we have assisted one man with accessing that,” she said.

For many victims fleeing abuse, seeking shelter may mean moving and taking time off from work. Although California law gives domestic violence victims the right to take time off from their jobs to obtain services, men may be more reluctant than women to publicly admit that they are victims, Fries said.

“Men are reluctant to leave the job and reluctant to live in a shelter-type environment,” she said. “It’s a restrictive environment — it has to be restrictive because of safety.”

Men travel from as far as New York to stay at the Valley Oasis Family Violence Shelter in Lancaster, crisis counselor Jose Alfaro said. The shelter reserves 10 out of its 64 beds for men. It sometimes has to turn victims away for lack of space, he said. The majority of male victims who come to the shelter are victims of abuse in same-sex relationships, but some heterosexual men do arrive on the shelter’s doorstep, particularly men with children.

Alfaro said that in his experience, men have a harder time than women identifying themselves as domestic violence victims.

“My experience has been that even for men to come through our doors, it’s difficult for them to accept that they’re here because of the role society has given them,” he said. “... We’ve had victims come in here who’ve been stabbed, shot at. What do you call that? I call it domestic violence.”

Sgt. Tim Heiden with the Barstow Police Department said he has not noticed any increase in the number of male victims in Barstow. Many of the situations he has seen in which a man reported domestic violence were “mutual combat” situations in which both parties were physically aggressive, and the man happened to be the first to call. The majority of domestic violence cases Heiden sees still involve female victims.

Regardless of gender, however, he said the most important thing is for victims to access the resources they need and get out of the situation as soon as possible.

“Whether it’s male or female, when you’re getting into a situation that might lead to that, you need to get out and get the help you need through the resources that are available,” he said.

For more information of domestic violence resources in Barstow, call the Desert Sanctuary at 256-3733.

Contact the writer:
(760) 256-4123 or abby_sewell@link.freedom.com

What constitutes domestic violence?

Under California law, domestic violence includes any attempt to physically injure or threaten your spouse, someone you are dating or living with, or who you used to live with, or the parent of your child. It includes:
• Intentionally inflicting an injury, however minor, on an intimate partner.
• Using any type of force or violence on your spouse or partner, even if it doesn’t result in injuries. That includes slapping, pushing, kicking and biting..
• Forcing unwanted sexual contact on your partner.
• Threatening to kill or hurt your partner.
• Domestic abuse includes emotional abuse, controlling behavior and intimidation.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, get help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers 24-hour access from all 50 states at 1-800-799-7233.

Source: California State Domestic Violence Interagency Collaborative